The beauty Within

What to say?

I thought I had it all figured out but clearly, I don’t. I’ve been unable to come up with anything to write and that surprises me. Not to say that it’s easy to figure it out but I never thought it would stress me out this much.

Maybe I should go out more. Engage more. For goodness sake, I’m always indoors. Maybe that’s why am stuck. Or maybe it’s something else that I refuse to say out loud for the sake of ‘positive thoughts only’

Well, we could start with ‘Change’

Embracing change.

People experience and see change differently. What’s common between yours and my look on change is that it is change. There is an acknowledgement of change in itself and most times, it’s visible.

I’m experiencing a change right now.

It’s neither a transformative nor an adaptable one. It’s not something that stirs excitement or fear—it’s simply… familiar. Nostalgic, even. And even as familiar as it feels, I find myself asking more than once, “How did I get here?”

It’s like years ago when I felt lost.

Or months ago, when I lost a friend.

A kind of change that sneaks up on you prompting that impulsivity from you or just stones you to stillness.

I’m not usually afraid of changes. That’s never been my instinct but that doesn’t mean I’m excited when I face one. Let’s say I’m simply just acceptant of it. I make frantic attempts sometimes but most times, there is acceptance.

No resistance.

Although change can feel heavy like it’s got hooks and cranes pulling at you. But even in that tension, there is beauty to be found.

You just have to savor the moments.

You look long enough at it as your heart slowly warms up to it, and you soften up. That’s the beauty of change.

You acknowledge its beauty cause it comes with warmth. With softness. And sometimes the warmth can tend to be much to handle or too less or maybe the softness has roughness around its edges. It’s not always your kind of beauty. It could be the kind of beauty that speaks to someone else.

But you have accepted it.

That’s what acceptance is like.

And you know what they say about beauty lying in the eyes of the beholder? I think to be a beholder you have to behold something for all that it is, giving it your attention.

It’s not enough to simply look with acceptance.

You have to reach out, to feel, and to hold the change that gets your heart racing and your muscles clenching.

You embrace it.

I believe truly with that, the beauty you eventually see would be the beauty you never knew you longed for.

I know there is beauty to be found cause I’ve seen glimpses of beauty after accepting change. It’s a quiet beauty, unfolding little by little, but I believe there’s more to it if I can learn to embrace it.

If I can pass the hesitation and numbness that holds me back from beholding it for all its depth.

I want to learn to embrace.

To embrace situations, people, and myself.

My heart, however, struggles to catch up with my mind in acceptance

So I’ll take my time.

Will let my quiet acceptance evolve into something deeper—something more like a full embrace.

And slowly step into the recognition of the beauty that exists, even in the most subtle, unassuming and ridiculous way.

Of a beauty that comes from true acceptance, not of the world around me but of the change within me as well.