Counting down..

In five days, I will be turning 23. And to be honest, I’m not ready. I’ve been reflecting on how the year has been and although I’ve seen how much I’ve grown this year, I can’t help but think about the stop blocks I’ve faced and still facing and how unready I am to face the person I am today not to talk of the uncertainties that lies ahead.

In the quiet corners of my heart, I feel a deep sense of unease, a weight that’s hard to shake. It’s a mix of dreams unmet, opportunities missed, and a lack of funds that’s holding me back in some aspects of my life. I know I’m young and have a bright future ahead but I guess I just can’t help the way I feel.

This year, more than ever, I’ve felt the sting of financial limitations. My parents are struggling to pay my school fees, a burden I wish I could ease. I don’t have a job, and the business venture I’m pouring my heart into seems to be at a standstill. There’s a voice in my head that wonders if I’ll ever catch a break. I know in my heart that I’ll find my success. The question is When? When will I find the success I crave? When will I get to experience the joy of celebrating my life the way I want to?

Spiritually, I know I’ve grown, yet at times, I feel distant from God. I can’t explain it, but recently, the heaviness in my soul makes me pull away, like in a toxic relationship when you slowly withdraw without warning while still maintaining contact. Sometimes, I remind myself that he loves me and he is faithful but there are moments where I question if he is tired of fighting for me. I know that’s not the case. I sometimes just feel exhausted from fighting for me, So somehow, I expect him to.

This year, loneliness gets its crown. Last year, I thought it was the most isolating period of my life. But this year, loneliness has taken on a new form – being surrounded by people and still feeling alone. It’s a strange kind of emptiness, and no matter how many faces I see or conversations I have, the loneliness lingers. I’ve learned a hard lesson: sometimes being physically surrounded doesn’t stop you from feeling utterly isolated. Maybe it’s cause I miss my family so terribly. Another lesson to add is how hard times make you needy within but your surface hard. With the neediness still, space is sought. Not too much space. Or too little. Just enough. Enough to feel yourself, if that makes sense. I’ve had too much space and enough emotions, it’s hard to deal with sometimes.

Despite everything, I am grateful. So much of this year has been about learning – learning through challenges, through delays, through doubts. There may not have been the grand progress I had hoped for, but there has been growth. I am grateful for the little things, and for the lessons I’ve learned along the way. And through it all, I am thankful to God. His mercy renews every morning, and I am an embodiment of that mercy. My life, my family – they are the anchors that keep me going, and for them, I am beyond grateful.

They say the beginning of a journey isn’t always easy, I guess that’s how 23 might be but either way, I’ll be committed to embracing the uneasiness and growth as it comes. I might not have the financial stability or the success I envisioned from the past year, but I have gratitude. I have the love of my family. I have my faith. And for now, that’s enough.

As I approach 23, the road ahead feels both uncertain and full of potential. I know that the struggles I face today won’t define me forever, but they are part of my journey. One of the biggest hurdles right now is my tuition fees, which my family and I are finding it difficult to cover. Education is something I value deeply, and I’m determined to continue my studies despite the financial obstacles.

That’s why I’ve created a GoFundMe campaign to help raise funds for my tuition. If my story resonates with you, or if you feel compelled to help, I would be incredibly grateful for any support—whether it’s a contribution or simply sharing my campaign with others. Every amount helps and brings me one step closer to continuing my education and building a brighter future.

[https://gofund.me/4f0aaa4c]

I’m thankful to the people that have already shown me kindness and support, and I’m hopeful that with a little help, I can continue working toward my goals.

I pray my Christmas miracle find its way to me.

Amen.