I have a Confession

I have a confession.
I came to realize how pain can influence us.
How it digs into you and sometimes you wouldn’t even recognize how deep it is.
How silent it can be on the inside
But loud through our actions
It’s like eating a food. Having it give us energy through cellular respiration that we don’t happen to feel. From our energized selves, you’d know you have eaten well.
But in the case of pain, you feel drowsy.
You’re bitter, angry, distasteful.
I’ve once felt like that.
And it made me want to write.
It made me want to scream
I did try but I only got more drowsy.
So I took a nap.
A long nap.

I think feeling pain made me realize a lot of things like how much i loved naps. Literally at any little inconvenience, I would want to nap. An actual nap, as well as having comfort meals too.
As an escape. I just found myself making up excuses to justify it every time; I can’t come and kill myself.
I had to learn delayed gratification cause it never did me much good. Decided to stop running and face my setbacks head on.
Well, I’m still learning.
I promise that I’m better now. Accepting that problem no dey finish helps too with the justification in a good way, i must say.
So my naps are only delayed, not denied.

I also realized how different we all are. Literally in every sense
But how alike we are at the same time.
We go through different circumstances, different interactions that affects us one way or another making us have different opinions, different ideas and different stories to tell but we all want the same thing.
To feel happy, content, accepted, loved.
We might want it all at different times but we want it still
Happy and content with who you are, where you are, where you are going.
Accepted and loved by people you love / people you’d want to accept/ love you in some way.
And we miss out on one or two of these.

I believe that’s why staying grounded in who we are is important. Knowing who we are, understanding who we are, loving who we are. In Christ.
Cause we can never really be whole without him. That’s why am grateful for pain. It makes you know better. It makes you stronger.
It’s normal to feel pain.
Wanting to feel or feeling happy, content, accepted and loved is normal but what happens when we don’t feel that? What happens when we feel so different from others?
We Listen and learn. There are always seeds of wisdom in every situation.
Listening to your inner self to understand why you feel what you feel and learning from that understanding. It’s easier having God take control and surrendering to him for he exposes the true sources of our pain and gives us wisdom and knowledge so that we can better utilize any situation we find ourselves. That’s how I got to know me better and be stronger.

And in all these, don’t forget to have your naps.

Isaiah 42:16
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.